I have been so slack in the last 4 months. Don’t get me wrong: I have started several new posts and they have remained drafts. I can’t say for sure why that is. Perhaps I was keeping my reflections to myself? Perhaps I was too busy; too caught up in living my life?
Firstly, a big Happy New Year to everyone out there. It’s interesting how everyone turns to the usual reflections and resolutions at this time of year: love, appearance, consumption, bad habits…..I don’t do that any more. It was embarrassing looking at Facebook reminders year upon year of the same drivel, repentance, empty promises and hope. Not that I’m suggesting you should not have hope, but I think it’s important that you are truly honest with yourself. Make sure you really mean it when you say you just want to focus on yourself; or that you want to get fit rather than lose weight. It’s so easy to lie to yourself because you think it’s what people want to hear or what you’re supposed to say/feel/think. And then take it one step further, and accept your honesty..
So, back to me, because let’s face it, I enjoy being the centre of attention…how have the last 4 months panned out?
Love has certainly blossomed with my new man and we are avidly making plans for our future together, combining families and (eventually) driving off into the sunset in our combi camper! We have developed a wonderful closeness, although we have had our misunderstandings. Communication is of utmost importance in all relationships, but especially in new situations. Fear of the unknown is a reality. I take the view that anything worth giving a fuck about deserves purposeful focus and dedication. This relationship, and my growing love for this amazing human who helps me to be the best version of myself, provides me with nourishment and actively grows me as a person without being an intrusion. I know it sounds almost ridiculous, but such is the strength of my emotion.
Added to this is my improved relationship with my ex, the father of my children. He still acts like a thoughtless asshole (e.g. Not providing the children with the support or means to buy me anything for Christmas; changing visitation plans over school holidays with no consultation; giving our 7 year old make up; threatening the 12 year old’s boyfriend with a shotgun because “he’s only after one thing”) but it bothers me less and less and provides me with educational opportunities rather than tantrums and abuse that were previously aroused. Best not get me started on the fiancé, because THAT still has a long way to go. But they’re not married yet so I guess I have time.